Monday, March 23, 2009

lover's spit.

There was a point in the past few months when i listened to broken social scene's "swimmers" on repeat pretty much every time i had headphones and itunes around. Like most poetry, meanings are often yours to create and draw, and this song offered me a bit of comfort and understanding in the way i was feeling at the time. When you lose love, and when you lose someone who with all of your heart believed would always be there for you, in my experience, its easy to hit the low lows. Those really deep moments in your life when you start to question everything, the kinds of lows that hinder your productivity, the ones that allow you to be completely, selfishly, in your head all of the time, and its easy to wonder how it effects your decisions.

"I want to be with you, all the time, why can't you satisfy."

To me, these words described how I felt. I wanted and sometimes still want to be with this person all of the time, and for the life of me, I can't figure out why. He can't satisfy me anymore.

Sure, sometimes we hurt, and then we lose sight of our sanity. But if all we can really know is how we feel right now, and what we can remember of how we've felt in the past, how can we know if we are making the right choices in response to our feelings?

When does your curiosity, your thoughts of what happened and what could-have-been, begin to cloud your judgement? Whether its getting over your most recent love, or distracting yourself with a new one, what happens when you think you've made a mistake? Or worse yet, when you feel powerless to correct said mistake.

And when you feel like the decisions, the heart breaks, the one night stands, the fights and the sadness you feel now have the power to ruin your future relationships, how do you begin to believe in the possibility of finding it all again with someone else?

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