Friday, January 28, 2011

let it fall

at the moment this is all i want

what you put out there is what you'll get back. +or-

so know what you want, minus the fear and let those vibes into the world

some from the archives

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

i wanna be a supermodel

male models are just as funny and awkward of creatures as their lady counterparts.

Boys of Milan & Paris FW2011 from Justin Wu on Vimeo.

Monday, January 24, 2011

musing on inadequacy

One of my neighbors is always playing jazz, audible from my parking spot
- i romanticize this and whenever i hear it, my plan to flip on the new episode of gossip girl feels suddenly so lo brow

Having been vegetarian for about a year and a half does not deter me from desiring a new rabbit fur coat
- The current heat wave in la also fails to deter me...

I now possess an outdoor space, and rarely use it even though that was the sole reason I left downtown

Friday, January 21, 2011

Monday, January 17, 2011

teddy boys

photos by ben watts

"The British Teddy Boy (also known as Ted) subculture is typified by young men wearing clothes that were partly inspired by the styles worn by dandies in the Edwardian period, styles which Savile Row tailors had attempted to re-introduce in Britain after World War II. The subculture started in London in the 1950s, and rapidly spread across the UK, soon becoming strongly associated with American rock and roll. "


blue valentine made me feel uncomfortable.
- too close to home, too fatalistic with regard to love. it just can't work out with two strong/weak persons

on that note i'm frightened to explore what 2006-2009 did to me
-i hope it hasn't left me damaged

something i do want to explore is the idea that
- people feel uncomfortable when they are in situations that force them to be untrue to who they believe they are. we resent those moments and those who put us in them (ourselves, often)

im afraid to abandon one project in lieu of working on another
- because I fear I'll fail at that one too

Monday, January 10, 2011


cole mohr. ash stymest. yuri pleskun.

Saturday, January 8, 2011

Whether she knew it or not, her needs forced me to act as a charicature of myself, one oversized feature in a cartoon drawing of me. As if planned, she pushed a button knowing how I could react, and in turn I reacted in that way. Do I wish I could have been fully present in that moment, less high strung and more open? Sure. But even more, I wish that she would stop being so selfish.

take me or leave me, but i'm not a problem to be solved.

Thursday, January 6, 2011

thoughts 1.6.11

if you're gonna send some hate mail try not to mispell stuff
-dang, did i just misspell something?

its good to make an effort to see the special people youre lucky to know
- i don't do this enough, and fear i've become an LA flake. Okay I have always been a flake, as plans freak me out. #strokeit [just go over there]

power through the headaches
- fuck meds!

avoid looking at too much media from "yesteryear"
-It's pretty much not healthy when you hear someone filming you say "you're beautiful". rage will likely follow.

always look for signs
-they are everywhere! When two very different paths lead you to the same place, it means something, so don't let that shit go!

Wednesday, January 5, 2011


wikipedia > satanism > anton lavey > laveyan satanism > the big sleep

netflix > instant watch > scott walker 30th century man > "scott walker" > the big sleep

zoo kid

Zoo Kid - "Out Getting Ribs"

the big sleep

Bat For Lashes (feat. Scott Walker) - The Big Sleep

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

artsy fartsy

i wish that 3 years ago i had just bought an alex prager photo. her prices have surely risen by now. I love her work, and her brief stint in fashion advertising looks promising too - this is hands down the most interesting spring 2011 ad I've seen yet.

Sunday, January 2, 2011

formal aspirations

I used to be one of those people who look down upon overly formal, barely conversational couples at restaurants. The way they seemed almost uncomfortable around each other quieted my insecurities about my own relationships, musing that mine must be so much more real, that we must share a true connection. Perhaps these assumptions were correct, but at the moment, I hope to find a more formal connection with someone. Almost like you've just met, or that there is a mutual respect so strong that you fail to question each other over the petty stuff. You accept their directions to the Intelligensia in Pasadena without ego; you know you could just as easily look it up in your phone, or perhaps you've even been there before, but it doesn't matter when your man is spelling it out for you. Is this old school of me to feel this way? I read recently a quote from Jenny Holzer, who said submission can incredibly powerful, and perhaps I'm ready to set my feministic tendencies aside.

Saturday, January 1, 2011


and these are just glasses.

on self-pity

there is nothing like family
- after a self-imposed absence from new years celebrations, this morning I felt like I was back at summer camp, age 10. I woke up anxiety-ridden and sad. In this case the reason was a bit of good ole fashioned home-sickness triggered by "i have no good friends in los angeles" self-pity. I hate these moments, as recovery seems out of reach.

Two Fat Ladies never fails to comfort me
- despite the truth that I have absolutely no food in my house besides various condiments and a tiny cup of joan's pickle slices, this show, though hunger-forming makes me feel like its all okay. It also appeals to my old fashioned family business character fetish. The ladies' visits to various fish shacks and butter makers cements my belief that europe-is-better. i will get there.

if you miss new years...
-drink mimosas all the next day

don't you just hate yourself when you say something like
-"thats so cool", or "its weird that they have that beer here". COOL AND WEIRD ARE HORRIBLE DESCRIPTORS. It's virtually impossible to eliminate these words from my extremely unevolved vocabulary, but boy do they get to me! 2011 goal: step up my literacy.
edit: need to think on this one a bit more

its going to be a glorious day

I'm forcing sentimentality. Upgrading family and better friends to the top of my VIP list where they belong. And its surprisingly easy.
What I'm struggling with is the bottom feeders; the friends who have routinely disappointed me, choosing to be selfish over cooperative, or distant rather than responsive. And hey - I'm guilty of it all, I selfishly hide away in my house most days.

So I'm not sure what to do. I've never been a grudge holder, but I'm leaning that way. I deserve a bit more.