Monday, June 29, 2009


Am I completely wrong to believe that we are all just fooling ourselves in one way or another? In friendships and relationships we are make-believing, faking it, or enjoying the blissful ignorance.

With friends, we love and hug and make believe that we are just oh-so-compatible, when in reality, they might be all we have to choose from. We laugh and feign interest and forgive and forget those things they do to us when, who am I kidding, I will totally not forget. I'll cheers to this and that look you in the eye, but behind your back I'll judge you and resent you and uhh, make plans with you again? You can be my best friend, my last resort, and my drinking buddy any day of the week. We'll go to shows and openings and to Barney's, but I'll be thinking of someone else or maybe that I'd rather be there alone instead of stuck trying to pretend you're giving me something you're not. But sure, I appreciate you! I care for you!

In relationships, we also love and hug and make believe that we are just oh-so-compatible, when in reality, we are making them into what we need. We flirt and talk fashion and books and dreams, but you'll never encourage me enough, not like he did. You'll never open up enough to let me know you, or else you'll frustrate me with your stupid hair or your flamboyant mannerisms. You'll offer me a ride, but I'll decline. I'd rather walk than give you the wrong idea. I'll make a b-line to the nearest subway stop to avoid another he-and-she situation. But what the hell did he do? He annoyed me, challenged me, entertained me and made me miserable. Nostalgia is that blissful ignorance, for it covers up the bad, the unhappy, the crazy and the messy. The fights resulting in car rides cut short, and late night book throwing sessions. But sure, in the aftermath, I'll remember you fondly!

Thursday, June 25, 2009

los angeles, im yours.

It's fitting that i hear a live band/group of people outside of my window singing "los angeles, I'm yours", you know, that Decembrists gem, that thanks to lame-ass Apple DRM i am currently unable to listen to. Regardless, tonight was one of those times I wish I had an ipod with me. For certainly the Decembrists could have offered a superior soundtrack to this inadequate night.

I shouldn't say that.

Had I gone home as planned, with my ride, it would have been inadequate. Instead, I chose to give myself a near heart attack by deciding to take the subway, and then upon arriving at said subway stop, I realized it had quite literally stopped for the night, so I returned to the scene of my crime to attempt to catch a ride. After an accidental hug from Devendra Banhart (sans-beard I must divulge), and a boring conversation from some member of Chairlift, my search was again, inadequate, and I decided it was up to the cab-driving gods to get me to the next subway stop which I figured could quite possibly be open.

A short phone call later I got fed up with waiting and flagged down a cab on the side of Hollywood Blvd. who refused to take a credit card. "Cash only," he said, as I waved my card in his face, offering to cough up the 30 something bucks it would potentially cost me to make it to downtown LA. He held his ground, but upon realizing I was a true damsel-in-distress, this cab driver informed me of a 24 hour bus that left only once per hour from Santa Monica and Vine. He offered to chauffeur me there for no cost. (I was truly cash-less). We pulled up right as the bus was stopping, and with a quick honk of his horn I was out of the cab and onto the bus. He was truly my life-saver, and demanded no money. Friendly souls do exist in LA!

Long story short, after what seemed like hundreds of stops, I made it to 4th and Hill on this miracle bus that allowed me to only pay 73 cents I could dig out of my change purse. Twas indeed a fulfilling night, for who needs a ride when you can have an adventure!

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

the grid, vol 2.

since I can't seem to keep a tangible inspiration board going, I'll make the effort with round 2 of the grid.

1. Fendi Spring ads. Pink hair, loove it. Need it.
2. Tilt-shift photography. Makes everything look like a miniature model. I love this look - I think Uniqlo used this effect for the film in their calendar.
3. Promo picture from the set of Bewitched circa 1960-something? Love the saturated colors, patterns, and overall busyness of the room.
4. Artwork found from the flickr page of Pitta Patta
5. Karen O at Sasquatch via Stereogum
6. Kate Moss and Pete Doherty recreating the mug shots of infamous murderers Myra Hindley and Ian Brady. I always wonder what my mugshot would look like.
7. There is something about this "rock star family" that is so sexy to me. Man on tour, back from the road to greet his wife dressed in couture walking their baby on the property. Nicole Richie et al from Bazaar.
8. Barack Obama! Photo by Lisa Jack from 1980. He looks so rad.
9. This is the photo I think I would most like to own. Kate Moss by Juergen Teller. So amazing, and that hair!
10. Carmen Kass, one of my all-time-favorite models.
11. Rad wedge platforms from Finsk
12. Aristotle quote, unknown poster.
13. Model dolls. Givenchy Fall 08, chainsssss.
14. Thread art. New form of napkin doodling?
15. My dear friend styled this beauty in Chanel Haute Couture for the Transformers 2 premiere. She looks amazing, and check out the dress!
16. My techno life is now exponentially less-ugly

Tuesday, June 23, 2009


via hedi slimane.

and girl talk.

Sunday, June 21, 2009

in the emotional highs department...

This is life.
It can start with a piece of gum, with a gin and tonic, or with a guy's ponytail.
It can start anytime and anywhere, and you have to be there to notice it. I'm sick of analyzing things NEGATIVELY, of noting the movement of relationships and people and of thoughts of embarrassment. It's time to let it all go. To go places, to see shows, to meet people; to be anti-socially social.

You see, its better than "fuck-it-all" because its less detached. I put myself out there, or I don't. Either way I get more of what I want.


stella mccartney
im providing this past post as a recording for myself to truly know how i felt when i wrote it.
Collect the Love That I've Been Given"

Saturday, June 20, 2009

collect the love that i've been given

I'm attempting to digest everything that I have felt in the past few days.
Emotionally high and middle and low.

It's the strangest feeling when you say goodbye to and old love that you haven't spoken to in months, but you still think of as one of those "life" friends. One of those people that made a dent, that you probably will not forget for a long time if ever. Doing that was like, having an exorcism or something; everything just comes out. Old nicknames, too-long-hugs, tears, books and "remember this", and "that was weird", and "why the fuck did we date." It's exhausting but its good; good to know that we are sort of on the same page, and that its done, our chapter of LA life that ended months ago is actually over.

Moving on is easy enough to do at this point, but how do you balance moving on and just straight up forgetting. I was left with a bag of "parting gifts", thrown together in a drunken haze and given to me. Upon opening this bag only today, it was like a precisely edited bag of our overlapped lives. DVDs of movies we saw in theater, talked about, saw separately, or that I posted on this very blog. A magazine made of newsprint from '06 that inspired me to create my portfolio in newsprint. It's crazy how fittingly curated this last-ditch no-effort bag was. But what do I do with these things?

I asked him, when do you think all of the things we see and find won't remind us of people in our current (and now past) lives? Is it like, 2 years? 5 years? 10 years? Never? I guess its until we have new experiences revolving around these things with other people. I don't know if he had an answer, but its somewhat daunting to have these memories. I love these memories, but for how long will the Klaxons make me think of running down Wilshire Blvd. filming the band with old friends. How long will St. Vincent make me think of sitting in a hot Suzuki in downtown LA sweating my face off but feeling love and joy and that smell of hot air! The same goes for blue Helmut Lang dresses, street posters, photobooths, my kitchen table, Andy Warhol, Michael Pitt, french presses, the MOCA and so many things I think about. These are the people attached to everything in my life.

I've chosen to be sentimental! To keep these things with me, in my head, in my heart, in my sense of smell, in my fingers. And I can't help but stow them away, only for those times when you need to remember. I'll skip St. Vincent on my iTunes to preserve the smell I feel when it comes on. My stacks of photobooth pictures stay in drawers unless I need to remember what he or she looked like. It's preservation, and maybe it's not healthy but its how I roll.

Friday, June 12, 2009

phoebe philo is back

for celine.


Wednesday, June 10, 2009


posted on of these shoes before, but how amazing are the boots.

Monday, June 8, 2009

wisdom vs. life experience

David Lynch created his "Interview Project" traveling across America interview people along the way. They have alot to offer in terms of wisdom and life experience and interesting stories and personalities, and everything. Toothless, transvestite, and funny, the stories so far are kind of awesome. I wish they were longer.

He's releasing one every few days over the next year.
Tune in.

1992 meets 2009?

rumor has it that tonight zach morris will be appearing on late night with jimmy fallon?

you can bet I'll be tuning in.

in my opinion,

more men should have this haircut.
joseph gordon levitt, for VMan

Monday, June 1, 2009

really like this album from Miike Snow.
especially this track.

Miike Snow - Black and Blue