Tuesday, April 21, 2009

I sit at my desk at 3.20am, making my clean face and teeth dirty again by smoking what feels like a much-needed cigarette.

I'm taking a personal inventory. Planning a portfolio that is a long time in the works, being completely selfish and racking my brain trying to figure out what I've accomplished in the past 2 years apres college. Looking through old sketchbooks finding logos, drawings, website plans, fashion lookbooks, magazine clippings and love notes.

The pieces of paper that celebrate a moment, and promise a million more moments. The mix cd's and museum tickets and books and photographs and all of the "life" things; how do these factor into a portfolio? They should, shouldn't they? Our creative lives are based upon our tangible output, but these products are a product of our experiences, visual influences, our soundtracks, and our conversations. I wonder if these are meant to be our secret weapons and private treasure chests, exposed only to those who visit our personal spaces and pique deeper conversation, or if they are meant to be shared and shown off like trophies and prized heirlooms of all that makes us who we are? The vintage books, torn down street posters, messy workspaces, and used exacto blades seem as important as the finished product.

So now to figure out how to display it all without giving away those precious secrets!


  1. I always worry about sharing my scrapbook moleskins with the people who find their way into my bedroom/ into my heart/ between my sheets. And yet, I undoubtedly find myself continuing to use them as this point of reference for my background and life story, as dated as they are.

    It feels indulgent and naive to think that anyone else could understand why these things are important to me. What a photobooth picture, or a cigarette wrapper means to me can also trigger something else in them. In the end, an attempt to bring someone closer to you actually leaves you both on two different astral planes, two different memories that may or may not relate. What could trigger memories of love for me, could trigger memories of loss for you...But I do think its important to kind of collectively evaluate what moved me vs. what no longer moves me. The act of inventory is always healthy, but I think the focus shouldn't be on the possessions that trigger memories of actions, but on the memories and actions themselves. We shouldnt inventory our love notes...but we should inventory the number of times we've fallen in love, out of love etc.

  2. Or when they are exposed only to be misunderstood and seen as self-indulgent/pretentious, as emotion is so easily mistaken for in this Day and Age.

    Who looses when they are kept secret

    And who benefits when they are displayed

    But really, who understands their meaning? And what is supposed to be understood? Am I sharing my feeling with you or am I putting a piece of art out there for you to interpret as you see fit? Which is true art?