Saturday, October 31, 2009

I am sitting alone, listening to one of those songs that makes you feel cold inside, at one of those coffee shops that tries to make you feel warm inside wondering when I am going to feel good about everything, and if I even want to feel good about anything.

I am sitting on a stool that is a perfect height and I am wearing a sweater that makes me feel perfectly toasty with its over the top fur collar and sparkly clasp. It is halloween. Did I say I was alone? I feel it deep down, a loneliness that reaches past my sweet sweater, through my bra-less chest and inside every irregular heartbeat.

I feel a conscious change, an indescribable shift in most parts of me. It is all rushing by me as I sit and think and watch and feel sorry for myself. I am a laughing cynic, an alert space cadet, and a starving glutton who can't figure out what to hate, what to appreciate, and what to fill up with.

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