I wish I had known in that first minute we met

the first time in ages I've felt like writing in my journal, I was thinking about new years eve 2009 and how I was different. Physically more empty and mentally more depressed. For one I was sans tattoo but avec a drawing on my wrist! Perhaps that will become a reality this year?

My bed has lit up but now again feels lonely. But I feel a new respect for "me" coming into the picture. The sort of " I want to do good for myself" while I'm on this earth. For some reason I used to think i wouldn't make it that long. Perhaps that's why I yearn for deep relationships but don't always see the worth in bothering to invest in them in the present. I sometimes forget that people have feelings and occasionally I do too and that I have the power to effect others. It might be a matter of recognizing when it's meant to be and when it is selfishly serving someone else's needs. Resolution '10? Who knows, it doesn't always take a new year to change, for I feel the change beginning already.

Until next year...