Monday, June 29, 2009


Am I completely wrong to believe that we are all just fooling ourselves in one way or another? In friendships and relationships we are make-believing, faking it, or enjoying the blissful ignorance.

With friends, we love and hug and make believe that we are just oh-so-compatible, when in reality, they might be all we have to choose from. We laugh and feign interest and forgive and forget those things they do to us when, who am I kidding, I will totally not forget. I'll cheers to this and that look you in the eye, but behind your back I'll judge you and resent you and uhh, make plans with you again? You can be my best friend, my last resort, and my drinking buddy any day of the week. We'll go to shows and openings and to Barney's, but I'll be thinking of someone else or maybe that I'd rather be there alone instead of stuck trying to pretend you're giving me something you're not. But sure, I appreciate you! I care for you!

In relationships, we also love and hug and make believe that we are just oh-so-compatible, when in reality, we are making them into what we need. We flirt and talk fashion and books and dreams, but you'll never encourage me enough, not like he did. You'll never open up enough to let me know you, or else you'll frustrate me with your stupid hair or your flamboyant mannerisms. You'll offer me a ride, but I'll decline. I'd rather walk than give you the wrong idea. I'll make a b-line to the nearest subway stop to avoid another he-and-she situation. But what the hell did he do? He annoyed me, challenged me, entertained me and made me miserable. Nostalgia is that blissful ignorance, for it covers up the bad, the unhappy, the crazy and the messy. The fights resulting in car rides cut short, and late night book throwing sessions. But sure, in the aftermath, I'll remember you fondly!

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