fangirl

The Weeknd - Rolling Stone by The_Weeknd

My apartment seems to be turning against me. My neighbors suck, use my washer/dryer daily, tracking in leaves and dirt SOMEHOW, while leaving their disgusting hideous clothes laying around. Also I feel haunted by some sort of a 3D ghost, that circles over my bed at night. And finally, I've dropped and damaged TWO iphones in the past 24 hours in the same spot, as if that same ghost pushed the devices out of my hand. Regardless of if its my own idiot fault, I feel stifled here! Whenever the inspiration strikes, I am blocked in the physical realm.

stuff

John Frusciante - Forever Away

Together we were unstoppable, peas in our own drunken abusive pod, and it felt safe. I grabbed another glass of Moet.

hello mister, pleased to meet ya

sometimes you perpetuate the feelings. the sadness, love and appetite-killing tickle in your chest that indicates a reaction.
---

---
flashes of lust afflict me all day long

i remember that we kissed. my mind returns to the hotel room, to that exact minute in our hazy film. i wanted you as my lover from that moment, and for so many more. you touched my face all over, said i had nice eyes and i believed you.

we're laying in the sleeping bag on that dirty old floor. its hot, but we want to be as close as two can get. i lie over you and you over me, telling you what i want, and you taking my not so subtle hints. i close my eyes and wish to stay there on the dustpiles all day long.

im in my fur ignoring the heat, you in my passenger seat. i have to say goodbye for the first time. you pulled me tight, kissed my lips taking the good route over the easy one. you were strong and i liked it.

bright sun and dark circles, i felt happy and selfish. my secret was that i hadn't felt that way in some time, so whenever it ended (it had to) i'd keep it close and warm. and now i am here with my mane, saturated and dripping with heavy handed pours of love and excited lust, forcing myself to return to the pale hue of real life. and you are there.

moooooore

one party of lost souls
aim of the night(every night)
was clouded consciousness
memory forging
altered states

corners where cameras
were blind to our
dirty deeds, we hid
stationary like sly little
foxes keen on an escape

slurred words
dripping with old memories
me dripping, then they dripping more
we gave away filter-less
precious moments preserved for
no one in particular

we choose to inauthentically
build our own night
as we saw fit
a bunch of phony control freaks
is all they were.

i got home and talked on the phone for a few hours and didn't smoke any cigarettes. Felt good to let go of the day and dumbitdown. saved my tweets, realized i haven't changed much, but a little more jaded. life seemed a bit more exciting two years ago. i feel sure i'll find that excitement again when summer comes for good.

TIMETODUMBITDOWN

I awoke with the most intense case of ambition and direction, partly due to an all-too-flattering message from an aquaintence. It's funny how our carefully curated public personas can give us a bit more je-ne-sais-quoi than we offer in real life. Nonetheless I wrote it off as a sweet coincidence and began my day on the floor. Scouring old notebooks proved to be not at all depressing and completely inspiring, as I collected my daily thoughts of yesteryear into a cohesive direction made for this moment. I refuse to divulge any details in this public forum, as I've become increasingly superstitious. Though I may lack in followers, my thoughts still contribute to the collective consciousness in some way or another, and I'll take what I can get in sheer privacy.

Good night, I'mabout to get drunk on wine and stoned in thought.

CLAMS CASINO - I'm God from kohnkepik on Vimeo.

I WONDER WHEN MY PAST WILL STOP CATCHING UP TO ME

candy

maybe it was just super striking in the film, but I find the straight-forward language and idealistic imagery very appealing.


"Once upon a time, there was Candy and Dan.
Things were very hot that year. All the wax was melting in the trees.
He would climb balconies, climb everywhere, do anything for her, oh Danny boy.
Thousands of birds, the tiniest birds, adorned her hair.
Everything was gold.
One night the bed caught fire.
He was handsome and a very good criminal.
We lived on sunlight and chocolate bars.
It was the afternoon of extravagant delight.
Danny the daredevil.
Candy went missing.

The days last rays of sunshine cruise like sharks.
I want to try it your way this time.
You came into my life really fast and I liked it.
We squelched in the mud of our joy.
I was wet-thighed with surrender.
Then there was a gap in things and the whole earth tilted.
This is the business.
This, is what we're after.
With you inside me comes the hatch of death.
And perhaps I'll simply never sleep again.
The monster in the pool.

We are a proper family now with cats and chickens and runner beans.
Everywhere I looked.
And sometimes I hate you.
Friday -- I didn't mean that, mother of the blueness.
Angel of the storm.
Remember me in my opaqueness.
You pointed at the sky, that one called Sirius or dog star, but on here on earth. Fly away sun.
Ha ha *beep* ha you are so funny Dan.
A vase of flowers by the bed.
My bare blue knees at dawn. T
hese ruffled sheets and you are gone and I am going too.
I broke your head on the back of the bed but the baby he died in the morning.
I gave him a name. His name was thomas.
Poor little god.
His heart pounds like a voodoo drum."

so true.

"I know people get lonely because I do, so that’s what I end up writing songs about, how you get lonely sometimes and come up with these big ideas that give you meaning for a second but then leave you like everything else leaves you."
- Cass McCombs in a letter to Stereogum

can't give 'em up